


The Things Denied

by goddessfreyja



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, One Shot, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-11 04:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7877086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessfreyja/pseuds/goddessfreyja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set six or seven months after the events of TFA. Things get complicated for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things Denied

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I am not a native English speaker. Many thanks to @me-gone on tumblr, who patiently read the fic and corrected my grammar mistakes!

 

This wasn’t their first encounter.

—

 

After the events of the Ahch-To, Rey knew that everything would be different once they returned to the resistance base. Everything happened so quickly. Living the same life every day, Rey suddenly found herself in among these things. She had thought if they were myths.

Jakku, where she spent her life until now, was an isolated area itself—away from everything and monotone. Unkar Plutt, salvaging items and parts, the cleaning process, and shrinking portion sizes day by day… Everything seemed like if they _didn’t happen at all_. Ongoing wars over the years, The First Order, The Resistance. Although the stories had been told by the old woman in front of her were effective at the beginning, they were all losing their reality as Rey started to clean the cutting wheel in her hand. Even the pilot helmet she used to wear in some evenings was like it popped out from a fairytale.

On the other hand, the dreams, nightmares and the memories that she can’t remember… Maybe, all served a purpose. She had _yet_ to understand it. There were lots of questions she was craving to find out but she knew she had people around her to get her answers. But that was for another time. Another time and a silent place where she could stay still and contemplate. Surely she would find enough time for them. But now, walking in a forest around the leaves in a world she didn’t know, Rey understood that she needed to return to the reality. As she heard the voice of a massive bomb exploding, she remembered where she was. She could feel the smell of burnt nature even from there.

Resistance and The First Order.

She didn’t want to protect herself from the war above. On the contrary, she wanted to fight beside her friends. With the experience of Millennium Falcon, Rey could definitely fly an X-Wing! Really, where was Chewie? She could join the chaos if she found him. Despite her willingness to fight, she was warned to stay on the ground. After the war that caused the previous resistance base to be destroyed and Rey to get injured seriously, they wanted her to stay away from danger as much as possible. It didn’t like they had plenty of jedis.

Rey inhaled and looked down to her left arm, which seemed to have healed by now.

Down here, resistance troopers and stormtroopers were battling. Rey and Luke fought with them half an hour ago. Luke told her to leave when it started to seem desperate for the resistance. Although she _hated it_ and wanted to stand out against the idea, she knew there wasn’t any other chance. With the training they had, Rey learned to trust Master Luke’s instincts _as much as she_ _trusted hers,_ and to be patient. It was one of the main rules of a master and an apprentice to act together with the force. Despite her stubborn nature, Rey couldn’t go against it. Resistance was probably going to withdraw before any more squads could come. The First Order was to win this one.

Rey closed her eyes for a moment and hoped Finn, Poe and the rest of her friends were fine.

As walking fast in the night —which she didn’t know how much it would last— she noticed a hole in front of her. She leaned down and touched the cold and smooth surface. It was metal. The hole was big enough for an average human to get in. Next to it, was a metal square that seemed to be the same size. _This should be the hatch,_ she thought, _an open hatch._ As far as she saw the symbols on the hatch, she believed it to be a shelter. _Oh, how could she forget?_ This must be the exact shelter that Poe told her to wait in if things turned out to be bad.

 _“Don’t forget Rey, one_ _of our priorities is protecting you! And so are yours.”_ Thinking about whether to get in or not, those words of Lieutenant Caluan Ematt’s echoed inside her head. Holding her breath, she made the decision and started to go down by the ladder.

Her steps on the ladder echoed, _the place should be relatively big and empty,_ she thought. The shelter was very dark. The only light was the little light beams of the planet’s moon coming through the slits on the cell. Approximately twenty steps later, she reached the ground. She thought about how was this place had been abandoned. What kind of wars happened here before, on this planet? How many families were torn apart? How many children cried and how many of them were orphaned?

As she felt her steps on the metal ground, she reached the wall near her and sensed some kind of embossments. She found a sack below. _Probably stored foods,_ she thought. She needed more light if she wanted to stay safe. In order to have some more, she moved her hand to her lightsaber. As she unclipped it, the silence was broken by someone who was already there.

_“Too bad.”_

Rey felt the fear and panic as she realized she wasn’t alone. Lurching to the direction the voice came, she launched her lightsaber. Rey took a few steps but saw nobody nearby.

“Who’s there?!”

“Don’t be afraid.”

As the panic seemed to face, she now recognized whom the voice belongs to. She heard those words before, in a day where her entire life started to change, in a memory she wanted to forget about. The owner of the voice told this her months ago in the Starkiller base.

 _Great,_ she thought.

She was now with someone whose name she knew very well, on a planet that she didn’t know.

Pulling herself together she shouted, “Kylo Ren! Where are you?! Don’t hide in the shadows!” Again, taking a few steps, she looked around the shelter with the help of her lightsaber, but couldn’t see anybody.

 _Too bad,_ thought Kylo Ren. _Running across her, here._ To him, the war happening here today was completely waste of time and source. Without changing the balances of force, wars didn’t mean anything to him, no more. With his intense training and the massive wound in his left rib that didn’t seem to heal, being here felt like pain. He thought that he could spend his time among soldiers by getting information about Luke’s and the girl’s new whereabouts. _But a familiar thing—he was feeling_ _now and then—_ separated him from his will. This feeling, causing strange waves through force, made him quit his mission before. Now he left the war zone and stormtroopers, and came to the nearest silent place that he could find. No one couldn’t dare to question him, he simply ordered them to continue the battle. Hux couldn’t leave without him, he could track him with the tracking device in his belt. He smirked at this thought. It was apparent that they were going to win this war. Resistance didn’t have enough power. Kylo Ren found it stupid for them to fight this time.

He wanted to follow the new instructions of the training here, trying to clean his mind by sitting in the dark. Maybe he could erase it from his mind, the pulling. The breathings and sudden movements he felt, maybe they could make sense. _But no, it had to happen this way again._ The thing he was trying to escape from, found him again. Now he was sitting behind the metal locker, with his body and head against the wall, unmasked.

 _Too bad,_ he thought again,

_Running into her, here._

“Can’t see, scavenger?”

He felt the anger and panic waving from her. “You can’t control your feelings well enough for a jedi.” He unclipped and launched his lightsaber.

Rey suddenly moved towards the red light.

Kylo Ren stood up and took a few steps towards her, leaving enough space for an X-Wing to get in. There was a light beam around his face coming through the ceiling.

With her enemy coming through, Rey took a defensive position and stepped backwards. “I-I don’t understand. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be above?”

Kylo Ren spoke as he was spinning his saber. “Like you, _hiding._ ”

“I am not hiding.”

“You’re not? In a shelter?”

Rey found herself studying his face. The first thing greeted her eye was the wound around his face which she did with her lightsaber in Starkiller base. The wound was in the right side of his face, starting between his cheek and chin, reaching his forehead like a diagonal line. It wasn’t more evident than before but it was certain that the wound would never heal completely. Kylo Ren would carry this wound for his life. Rey, found some other feeling in his eyes; _a different look from the_ _previous ones._ She couldn’t name it yet.

As Kylo Ren noticed she was looking into his wound, he didn’t want her to take advantage of it. He started to move towards her slowly.

“Why are you here? Running away? Are they trying to protect you?” Kylo Ren found his eyes fixed on her for one moment, then spoke like he caught something. _“Oh, of course.”_

“What are _you_ doing here?”

“I was trying to be alone before your interruption.”

Rey couldn’t make sense out of it. _“Must be an inappropriate time to be alone.”_ Gripping her lightsaber she also started to move towards him. In a situation like this, she remembered someone, _Han Solo._ She thought of the memory where he desperately talked to his son, and the image of him being stabbed. Leia, how was she coping with all of it? Was this scene a game as well? Was Kylo Ren’s intention to seem like talking?

Kylo Ren staring at her and frowned. He was not trying to read her thoughts but could see them like something in mist. _No_ , he thought, _it’s redundant to talk about those for now._

“You know, the war here happening today, is pointless for us.”

Rey was followed him with her eyes and lightsaber. Her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean, for _us_?” she took a breath and continued, “Not for me. All my friends, all people I love, they are here. They are fighting for what they believe!”

 _Friends,_ thought Kylo Ren.

“Yes, friends.” Rey said. “It’s no surprise for a monster like you to not understand.”

Kylo Ren hesitated as he stood where he was. “Are you reading my mind now? Without my permission?”

“You didn’t ask for my permission before.” “Iwarned you.”

Rey paused, “I, was not reading your mind. You kind of projected it.”

Kylo Ren found his eyes hovering over his red lightsaber. He shut it down, clipped to his belt. _All of_ _this_ , he thought, _insignificant._

Rey was puzzled at his move, “What are you doing?”

“We’re not going to fight.”

“I will always fight you.”

“That is your choice _._ You may not want to see it, scavenger. But for us, there are more important things.”

Rey glared “And, what are those?”

“You have to listen to understand. Put your lightsaber away, you won’t need it this time.”

“No!”

“I said, put it away. This war is meaningless and I’m not fighting you today. You may want to hear what I’m saying.”

Although she was not convinced, her curiosity was craving. Unwillingly she shut her lightsaber, clipped it to her belt but left her hand on it. She looked straight at him.

“Talk. I hope you’re not playing around. My friends are coming.”

Seeing her move, he came closer under the little light. Now, they had little space between. “Are they?” he said, “You should study Art of Lying more.”

“That’s not a lie!”

He continued to look down her carefully as he didn’t care the words she just said. “I know you still want to kill me.”

“That’s not new.”

An instant smirk came across his face. “Still have trouble sleeping?”

“You wanted me to—just for asking this—.”

“Tell me, Rey. Do you hear sounds that you think they don’t belong to you or someone else around?”

She was startled as she heard her name.

Kylo Ren surveyed her as he continued to speak. His voice was calm—kind even. “Or, do you essentially feel like going another way when you’re in the middle of something?”

Rey didn’t answer.

“I know you do. You’re thinking about them now—as you should. Have you asked yourself where they came from? Talked to Skywalker? You should’ve.”

“What’s this nonsense you’re talking about?”

“You’re saying nonsense but I hear the echoes in your mind.”

Kylo Ren came closer.

“This was supposed to happen, Rey. Don’t you see? This is what the force wanted.”

Holding her lightsaber tighter, Rey asked through her teeth as she raised her chin.

“What—did—the—force—want?”

Kylo Ren met her gaze noting the movement with her hand.

“For us, not to fight.”

Rey couldn’t believe what him saying, Kylo Ren stepped towards her. There was a small gap between them.

“You know that, too. Your hate for me, it prevents you to see. Don’t care about me—don’t think about me. Now, consider again.”

Rey raised an eyebrow.

“This is ridiculous. Even for _you_.”

This time Kylo Ren did shout, “NO! It’s not! You’re letting the war blind you!” Stopping himself for a second, he closed his eyes and when he opened he continued calmly, “You see, Rey. Sometimes you feel my presence and I feel yours—that cannot be denied. Do you think you’re the only one who hates me? I—I” he hesitated, “I hate myself too and I also hate you. All the things I’ve done, all the years. They’re all disappearing. Do you feel it now? The changing in the force? Like that’s what it should be. We were supposed to join our powers! While I’m trying to run away, I’m being pulled to you. And I hate it.”

She let go of her hand on her saber. Rey was trying to absorb what she had just heard. Which of these were more nonsensical? Her being here while there was a war still going on? Finding herself in a shelter with her enemy? Or the words she heard from her enemy? What did he mean _“us”_ and how dare he? They even shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Deciding to be more careful, she took a deep breath in his gaze after being silent for a moment and said in determination, _“I—will—never—_ _join—you._ I think I made it pretty clear before.”

Kylo Ren breathed.

“I didn’t say you should.”

She was surprised.

“Then, what do you mean?”

Kylo Ren came closer to the girl and wrapped her wrists suddenly. Rey didn’t know what to do first as she was shocked but then she tried to pull back. But physically, Rey was no opponent for him.

_“Let me go!”_

“No! Stop fighting back. Feel the change.”

Kylo Ren opened his eyes and started to talk as he stared into hers.

“The choice you made tonight, tell me Rey, did you really do it? I don’t know if you noticed, but there are plenty of shelters nearby.”

She couldn’t believe, _“What?”_

"Why you didn’t go for another? Why chose this one? Why are you here? What dragged you here? _Why?!_ Do you see now? Can you understand it now?”

“Those are your stories! Some rubbish! Let me go!”

“No, think!”

Rey didn’t know what to do. The force couldn’t ask for something like this. What was Kylo Ren trying to say? They both were fierce enemies and they were supposed to fight. _Yes, they were supposed to_ _fight._ Until the balance comes. Siths, jedis, ongoing wars. They all served one purpose. _Balance._ Luke told this Rey at a night in Ahch-To while they were sitting in front of fire outside. _Until the_ _balance,_ he said. But, wait a moment— _Balance?_

Rey opened her eyes and blinked in horror. He perceived her thoughts.

“See?”

“I see you’re trying to manipulate me.”

“Stop lying to yourself.”

Kylo Ren released her wrists, turned back and took a few steps. He was thinking. Seconds later, he turned to Rey.

Rey gripped her saber again.

“Don’t come closer, or—.”

Kylo Ren was getting closer. “Or what? I told you I’m not going to harm you.”

Now they had no space between. “Or what, Rey? _Do it._ ”

Rey stood still. She pulled her hand back from her lightsaber, and started to talk as she was looking up him. “Why? Why are you making this harder?”

“Not me, _you_.”

For a short while, time stopped for both of them.

And in that exact moment, the universe seemed to fade away. Kylo Ren put one hand against her cheek and moved his lips to hers. Rey felt something that she never experienced before. Hate, anger, excitement, panic? _No,_ they were already there in the background. This—something new, almost made her breathless. She thought that her body betrayed her. Something exploded, extinguished and exploded again all at once. As Kylo Ren started to move her lips slowly and kiss her, she felt something new in addition. _Heat_. But no, she couldn’t allow it. Really, what were these two doing? The war above and two fierce enemies?

Kylo Ren knew he did something that requires more courage even for him. It was against all of the teachings, trainings he had. He could get punished for it. He could get rejected from his apprenticeship. However, it all seemed to fade when he was around the girl. His hand brushed her cheek, he felt the warmth coming from his arm through his body. As he started to move his lips on hers, he lost his hope and realized that there was no turning back for him. _Force, what do you want?_

Rey suddenly pulled back, quickly aimed and punched Kylo Ren in the face with all strength she had. She couldn’t believe how she did it either shortly after. She took a step back, frowned, and stared the man who lost his balance as she was still shocked. When she perceived the pain in her hand, she started to rub it with the other.

Kylo Ren staggered backwards, and almost fell. He put one hand on a wooden box there and put on his face the other. Pain, was unimportant. Pain, existed all along with life. Physical pain was nothing to Kylo Ren, the master of Knights of Ren. The girl was strong, she succeeded to break a bone it seemed. _How good,_ he thought, _an extra for the wound on my face. You marked me,_ _scavenger girl._

For a moment, Rey regretted what she did and supposed that he was very angry, watched his actions. She could hear his thoughts.

_If it was somebody else,_ thought Kylo Ren, _if it was somebody else, they wouldn’t dare. If they did, it would be their last breath. But you, Rey, you…_ Kylo Ren used his hand to stop the bleeding. He straightened up and faced her. _You._

But suddenly, he turned his face over the ceiling as if he heard something, then he looked at her again.

“Go, Rey.”

Surprised at his calmness and what he said, she gazed through the ceiling with him, then turned to his face, confused. _“What?”_

“Go, they’re coming for you.”

Rey looked at the ceiling again and some noises this time. _“Rey! Where are you!” and another, “I_ _told you not to leave her alone, that monster—”_ They were Poe and Cassus.

Rey, looked over him again. Drops from the bleeding in his face met the floor.

“Go!” Kylo Ren said aloud. If resistance soldiers came back for her, it was matter of time for Hux do the same for him. It was Kylo Ren’s last will for the moment.

Rey finally figured it out and started to climb the ladder fast.

“Rey!” shouted Kylo Ren.

Rey turned her head and heard the last words that he said today.

“Think.”

—

 

When she was on the ground, she saw Poe and Cassus in distance.

“Hey! Poe, Cassus! I’m here, I’m fine!”

As they heard her voice, they started to run.

“Rey! We were looking for you! We thought they took you!”

Poe handed her a jacket. “Take this. Come on, they’re not far away, they’re waiting for us, we should go now. It’s not good. We’re withdrawing.” Rey took the jacket and put it over her shoulders. She didn’t notice the cold. Although she saw the sad looks on their face, she didn’t ask any questions. She wanted to leave immediately. Rey started to run with them.

Her mind was all mixed up. She had so many questions to ask, not knowing where exactly to start.

The only proof was the warmness on her lips that this was real.

_She would think._

It wasn’t their first encounter.

And it wouldn’t be the last, she knew.

 


End file.
